I must admit that having conversations with my mom is often tedious. Among my parents, she is the one I least look forward to engaging in long discussions with. Almost every conversation we have ends in disagreement or debate, which I find emotionally exhausting. This is because I value peace and dislike unnecessary drama, I usually avoid such interactions.
However, yesterday was different. We still disagreed, as usual—lol—but this time, I genuinely enjoyed the conversation because it left me with profound reflections and valuable lessons.
My mom narrated an issue involving a male relative of ours. He has a friend living abroad, but they lost contact because my relative does not own a mobile phone. Eventually, my mom became the link between them. For a while, communication went smoothly. The friend abroad would occasionally send money and items through travelers, and sometimes even send my mom money after speaking with her. During that period, he seemed supportive and reliable.
Over time, things changed. He began making promises—especially about sending money—but repeatedly failed to fulfill them. This started to frustrate both my mom and my relative.
At one point, my relative fell ill. When the friend heard about it, he promised to send money but did not. My mom complained about it, but I tried to calm her down, asking her to consider the possibility that the man himself might be facing challenges. After all, he had helped in the past. Sometimes people genuinely want to help but are unable to.
Later, they reconnected again, still through my mom. Sadly, around the same period, my relative fell ill once more. Again, the friend promised to send money and even claimed he would come to Ghana the next day and visit him upon arrival. Nothing happened. Calls went unanswered. Messages received no replies.
“This is the fourth or fifth time he has broken his promise,” my mom said angrily. At that point, I couldn’t hold back my laughter—lol. It felt like the situation had moved from frustrating to almost absurd.
After listening carefully, I shared my thoughts. I told my mom that while broken promises are annoying, we must remember that a promise is not a debt. The man did not borrow money from anyone. He owes them nothing. A promise, by nature, can be broken. Once we understand this, we reduce our expectations—and when expectations are reduced, disappointment is minimized.
I advised that if they truly wanted peace of mind, they should expect nothing from him.
Human beings, no matter how well-intentioned, are bound to fail at some point.
My takeaway:
When you live without expectations, there will be less frustration.
As expected, my mom initially struggled to accept this. The debate went back and forth until others who had been listening stepped in as a “jury” and declared me the winner—lol.
I felt exhausted, but glad that I was finally able to make her understand one simple truth:
A PROMISE IS NOT A DEBT.
