The Struggle Is Real
A drive through the Kotoka International Airport recently sent my mind back to an unforgettable journey over a decade ago. On that journey, as I settled into my seat on the plane, I couldn’t help but notice the man sitting next to me. He looked like he had been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders for far too long. His eyes, though tired, sparkled with a hint of determination, and I found myself drawn to his story even before he began to share it.
As the plane took off, he opened up to me like we had known each other for years. His voice was laced with a mix of pain and resilience as he recounted the struggles of his family’s past. His great-grandfather, grandfather, and father had all followed a similar pattern – first born, born out of wedlock, abandoned by their fathers, dropped out of school and a trail of divorces and multiple marriages in their wake.
But this man purposed to be different. Despite being raised by an uneducated single mother, he had a fierce determination to break free from the cycle. He worked hard, excelled academically, and eventually earned a university degree – a feat that seemed impossible given his circumstances. His friends teased him about his avoidance of women but he remained focused on his goals.
When he finally met the love of his life, he thought he had found a partner who shared his desire to break the generational patterns. They vowed to build a life together, free from the mistakes of their parents. They got married, and for the first time in four generations, they welcomed their first child within the bounds of matrimony. He wasn’t perfect, but he poured his heart into his family, being a devoted partner and provider. He led his household with love, authenticity and integrity, nurturing their spiritual growth. To him, his home seemed like a sanctuary –or so he thought.
Beneath the surface, a different story was unfolding. His wife, who had also come from a similar background, had been using her religious activities and pursuit of higher education as a facade to indulge in secret affairs. My seatmate had gathered raw evidence of her infidelity, and the weight of her betrayal was crushing him.
As he spoke, his voice cracked with emotion. “I feel like I’m staring into the abyss of my family’s past all over again,” he confessed. “I’ve worked so hard to break free from this cycle, and now it feels like it’s consuming me again”.
His words hung in the air, and I could feel the anguish emanating from him. It was as if he was wrestling with the very fabric of his existence. I listened intently, offering no judgment, just a listening ear. As we landed, my seatmate looked at me with tears in his eyes. “Thank you for listening,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I feel like I can breathe again, even if it’s just for a moment.” In that moment, I realised that sometimes, all we need is someone to bear witness to our struggles, to acknowledge our pain without guilt-tripping, and to remind us that we are not alone in our journey to break free.
Reflectintrospection
This man’s story is a reminder that the journey to breaking generational patterns is rarely linear. It is a complex, messy, and often painful process.
How do we break free from the patterns that define us? Is it possible to rewrite our destinies, or are we forever bound to repeat the mistakes of the past?
Why must you elect yourself to be the one to break these recurring negative patterns? Let’s flip the question this way: are you not worthy of a life that breaks the negative mold—even if no one else has done it before?
Shouldn’t we rather choose values that align with our future self—integrity, compassion, discipline—and live by them daily and pray for authentic alignments? Should we be loyal to dysfunction as a virtue?
How, then, do we navigate through these questions:
1. What if breaking free from patterns depends on a person(s) who continually pulls us back into old patterns-will it be okay to walk away—even if they are family?
2. What do we do if we stumble and feel like we are back to square one, will that be part of the process?
Do we have to fix everything or be flawless? Maybe, just maybe, our role is to plant seeds of renewal, not uproot the entire forest.
Progress comes from showing up, again and again and being kind to ourselves. We may be carrying more than most—breaking cycles that began long before us. Keep going with grace and conviction and determine that as much as it depends on you, these negative patterns will be broken forever.
Inviting Our Creator into the struggles changes everything. That’s the power of divine intervention and it is just a prayer away!
Serenity Prayer
Dear Lord of renewal,
Grant us discernment to notice negative patterns, conviction to release what no longer serves, courage to rewrite the story etched in our blood, and wisdom to align with destiny helpers and walk freely as unbound, unbroken and reborn. Amen
