A friend once told me about two colleagues who were unforgettable—not because they were brilliant, but because they were exhausting.
The first was dazzlingly beautiful, with the kind of childlike innocence that could melt stone. But behind that angelic façade lived a seasoned manipulator. She lied with the ease of a Shakespearean actress delivering soliloquies. And when caught, she transformed into a tragic heroine: “Life has been so cruel to me… you don’t understand… you forced me to lie!” Suddenly, the villains weren’t her lies—it was you, for daring to notice them.
The second was a connoisseur of shortcuts and notorious smart moves. He skimmed money from patients, strolled in late, and treated responsibility like a hot potato. When confronted, he’d apologise with such charm you almost wanted to give him a standing ovation. With a sly grin he’d say, “To err is human, but to forgive is divine.” And then—like clockwork—he’d repeat the same stunt.
Naturally, the team tried everything: more love, more patience, even the chaplain, the psychologist and the hospital’s disciplinary system. Nothing worked. These two were consistent in one thing only—being consistently draining.
Then came the wise old midwife, who dropped a truth bomb that changed everything. She advised them to forgive freely but forbear them steadfastly. She explained the difference between forgiveness and forbearance.
– Forgiveness , she said, is the balm that heals the wound of anger. It’s non-negotiable if you want peace.
– Forbearance is the shield that keeps you from being stabbed in the same spot twice. It’s survival.
That distinction was revolutionary. The two colleagues never changed—but the team did. They stopped expecting transformation and started practicing strategic distance. They forgave, yes—but they also forbore.
Pause to Reset
– Forgiveness says: “I won’t carry this resentment.”
– Forbearance says: “I won’t hand you the keys to my peace.”
Forbearance is not excusing bad behaviour—it’s refusing to let someone else’s chaos become your storm. It’s mercy with boundaries, compassion with common sense. It’s the art of lowering expectations so you don’t keep tripping over the same disappointment.
Some people don’t rise to change—they rise to repeat. And survival in their company requires boundaries without bitterness, distance without despair, silence without surrender.
When history calls the roll, it won’t ask how many times we were deceived. It will ask how many times we chose peace over bitterness, wisdom over naivety, dignity over despair. May we be counted among those who forgave—and those who forbore.
Serenity Prayer
Dear God, grant us the grace to forgive those who wound us,
the wisdom to forbear those who refuse to change,
the strength to guard our peace with boundaries,
and the courage to walk in dignity—
choosing serenity over resentment,
and wisdom over despair. Amen.
